The Trash Your Kids Are Watching

                          
I look at cartoons today and I feel so ashamed to say that I ever use to watch an extreme amount of them.  On occasion i'll sit down with my niece and try to comprehend the incredibly incoherent, extremely dumb cartoons she watches. It is so hard to understand that I don't even know where to start.

I guess I'll start with Spongebob. Ok, so there is a sea sponge, a starfish, and a squid that are all friends...well the sea sponge and the squid work at an underwater restaurant called the KRUSTY KRAB.  Forgive me if i break out in a curse filled rage because this is where shit gets really stupid. The owner is a crab named Mr. Krabs, (please don't attempt to hold in your laughter at the obvious innuendo).  At the Krusty Krab their main sandwich is the Krabby Patty (which we can assume contains crab, which we can also assume is the reason you never see anymore crabs in Bikini Bottom (the name of the city this all takes place in)).  Now, to add to that, Mr. Krabs has a daughter...wait for it...WHO IS A GOTDAMN SHARK!!! No wonder kids cant figure out that 2+2 equals because they think that a crab has sex with another crab and by some miracle a damn shark is produced.  This is irresponsible programming.

Then there is this Columbian prostitute who goes by the name Dora The Explorer.  She hangs out with a purple monkey and a talking backpack.  This program is supposed to be educational but it is the exact opposite.  The damn Columbian prostitute will ask obvious questions of your kids and wait for them to answer for like a really long time.  There will obviously be a golden key on the right side of the screen as big as day and she will say "Can you find the key?"*insert really long awkward pause* Your kid doesn't answer or move and then Dora says "Look, there it is. You found it".  This is why your son or daughter will never answer any question you ask them because they assume you will just answer the question and reward them with smiles and applause.  Now your kid thinks they are some sort of Jedi that can answer questions without moving or saying anything (which is possible by the way but in very few situations i.e When a bum asks you for change and you just look at him without saying anything or moving).  People, don't let your kids or your nieces and nephews watch this trash. It will melt their brain and they will start to think in Nickelodeon terms.