Same Love

Only a person who has never been discriminated against can sit in their throne and discriminate. It angers me deeply that two consenting adults are not allowed to engage in an act that stands to harm no one but themselves. To think that just a few decades ago women couldn't vote, blacks were lynched, miscegenation was illegal, and the proponents of these laws felt as deeply impassioned about their cause as people do today about gay marriage.

In my opinion, those who sit in their throne and cast stones, simply lack empathy. They cannot put themselves in another persons shoes and imagine how it would feel to have a group of people tell you that your relationship is wrong. That you don't have the right to get married to the person you love because it is in a book older than us and our parents ages multiplied.

I thought the bible taught love, acceptance and brotherhood. However, all people have used it for has been hatred, war, and excuses. All I ask of those opposed to gay marriage, is to genuinely put yourself in the shoes of a gay person. You are deeply in love and cannot see yourself with another person. All you wish to do is cement your love for one another, and it to be accepted by those who love you, and of course a court of law. You are not recognized the same way your brother or sister is.

I hope in the coming days and weeks, as this topic is undertaken in many circles, that fruitful discussion is spurred. That maybe a mind can be changed, and maybe even empathy be understood. Most importantly, I hope that we be the change that the world needs to see.

MeteorWronglogist

I have an iPhone with a weather app on it so I can check the weather and plan my dress accordingly. I have began to think I'm wasting my time however, and may delete the app. Every day I have gotten in the habit of getting up and looking out the window because these damn meteorologist aren't to be trusted!

Today was supposed to be in the 50s-60s and sunny in Denver. Well I get out of bed and look out the window and there is a nice slick 2 or so inches of snow on the ground and the sun is on vacation. Who the hell is responsible for this kind of screw up?
Only a weatherman/woman could get something that wrong and not pay the price. Only weather people are allowed to be this wrong, this often. If you or I were ever as blatantly wrong as a weatherman, we would be fired and forced to pay the company back because our lack of knowledge proves we lied on our résumé and have been stealing from the company.

By the way, you ever notice that there isn't not a one black weatherman? You know why that is? Because if a black person was ever that wrong about something the media would make a huge example out of him. I can see it now. "Fox news has just received word of a ground breaking story. A black man predicted the weather wrong in Colorado. He will be fired and is expected to be sued by every resident in the state for mental anguish and bringing those damn storm clouds. We are also reporting that President Obama is to blame for appointing this negro to his office of regional weatherman. Congress will also be editing the death penalty for this black weatherman and law banning negroes from giving us any forecasts".

Here is my proposal: Every time a weather person incorrectly forecasts weather they have to complete a series of acts.
1)They must publicly apologize for getting the weather way wrong and confirm that they are in fact idiots.
2) They must take either a vicious kidney shot from a boxer or MMA fighter live on tv.
3) They must take a pie in the face live on tv.
4) They must apologize again while their co workers ridicule them live on tv.

This is not a repetitive thing. After 3 offenses they must parade naked through the downtown area of their respective city hoping to keep their job, only to be fired for embarrassing the company.

The Nuggets are Dangerous

What I am about to say is going to hurt me very, very deeply. I am not going to enjoy this, and it will linger and make me feel like a traitor for a very long time. I already feel like I need to take a long hot shower just for thinking this.

THE DENVER NUGGETS ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS TEAM IN THE ASSOCIATION.

There I said it. It has taken me a very long time to come to this realization. I've seen this coming for a very long time with the acquisition of all these young dynamic players (obviously Andre Miller and his atrocious haircuts don't count as young). The Nuggets, in my eyes, can beat just about any team at home with that run and gun style and their downright depth. Including Miami.
The Laker fan in me is sobbing like a toddler who didn't get McDonalds when it was promised to him. I wasn't ready for the day to come when the Nuggets would be able to consistently put the pounding on The Lakeshow. I still try and fight it. I watch the games hoping Shaq will come out of the booth, put the body on Fareed and show him how to play in the post. However, it never happens.
What instead happens is Mike D'Antoni stands on the sideline and watches the Nuggets like a jealous girlfriend. The Denver Nuggets are what D'Antoni wishes the Lakers could be, but age and talent dictate that it will never happen.
Don't get this message misconstrued. Just because I acknowledge the talent of the Nuggets, does not mean I am rooting for them. I wholeheartedly hope they do not advance pass the first round because I know my Lakers most likely won't.

I'll tell you what though, the Denver Nuggets will never be half the franchise the Lakers are. *Stuart Scott voice* HATER IN THE HOUSE

LAKESHOW FOR LIFE SNITCHES.

The Lion King

Are we really shocked that a lion killed a lady that was in his cage? First off, Lions don't belong in cages. They are WILD ANIMALS. Why do people try to conquer these beasts of the wild and put them in cages? It's not logical. I enjoy visiting the zoo and seeing the lions from 70 feet away, but it's not anymore invigorating than seeing it in slow motion attack a herd of wildebeest on Discovery Channel.
What do people really expect to happen when you get in the cage with a born killer? "But the lion has been in captivity his whole life, he isn't supposed to do that" *in a whiny voice*. Lions are ingrained with the ability to kill and eat, and I think that lady in his cage forgot that her body is a giant T-Bone steak. It might even taste better than a T-Bone because she may have been eating lots of berries and such. I equate getting in the cage with a lion to putting a 12 year old girl in a cell with a pedophile and turning your back. What do you think is going to happen?
I keep watching the news and they are trying to figure out what provoked the lion...maybe it was dessert? She probably showered in her bath and body works Montreal Steak body wash. I don't know if you've ever had Montreal Steak seasoning but I would have eaten her if she smelled like that.

Bad Breath...
See Crest. Out.

You Look Kinda Dumb

                               
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to set the record straight.  I am sure I am not the first person to tackle this subject and i'm sure I wont be the last; however that is not going to stop me from laying into the ladies...(no jokes intended).  I can't take it anymore, you guys all look the same.  Everywhere I go on a Saturday afternoon it seems like I keep running into the same woman but with subtle differences each time.  One time she may have blonde hair, the next time she may be a soul less ginger but still the same woman.  Ok, I'm obviously being a little tongue in cheek here but you get the point.  Here are a list of things that women wear and do that guys think looks ridiculous but they still do it.

1) Uggs. Obviously: Every guy will admit to his friends that you Look like an idiot.  Unless you are living in the  Artic, Antartic, or there is snow on the ground then there is no reason for you to be wearing these "boots" on your feet.  I call them "boots" because they aren't technically boots.  The definition of boots is "A sturdy item of footwear covering the foot, the ankle, and sometimes the leg below the knee."  Look at these disgraces.  They certainly are not sturdy.  You might as well be wearing flip flops with socks and leg warmers because thats how dumb you look.

2) Leggings, a skirt and Uggs:  I've already stated my position on leggings in previous blogs and if you don't recall it then go back and read my blogs. The purpose of leggings is to keep the legs warm, then the idea and purpose behind a skirt is the keep the legs cool because it is hot out.  Lastly, the point of the overpriced Chewbacca socks is to keep your feet warm.  Not only does this combination make you look stupid, but it makes your body feel stupid as well.  It doesn't know whether to sweat to cool you or shiver to heat you.  Just stop it.  The worst culprit of this is CU Boulder.  On any given day, when the temperature is below 40 degrees, half of the females student body members are wearing the exact same outfit.

3) Skinny Jeans, Frog Body:  First, imagine a frog out in nature. Out in the pond just enjoying its wonderful carefree life.  Then a human comes along and domesticates this frog, stands it up and puts pants on it. No butt and no real size to the legs...all the weight is in the midsection.
                                               
I notice this in teenage girls more than in adults.  A girl who does not need to be wearing tight clothing is wearing the tightest jeans she could fit her little frog legs in, however, everything else, that is MUCH BIGGER than her legs, is hanging over the edge of those jeans.  Not only that, but the shirt  she is wearing is sucking the life force out of her and her extra flabs of skin are exposed.  Since their parents aren't brave enough to tell them to change before they leave the house, it is our responsibility as men to stare with obvious discontent until they see us. Then stare more.

4) Anything Lady/Guy Gaga wears: No more words needed
                                     

5) Anything Snookie wears...
                                         

6) Out late with heels in hand:  I absolute hate when I go out for a night on the town and I see a girl walking around with her heels in her hand and she is barefoot on public sidewalks.  First, before you start to think of excuses for this lady, think if the roles were reversed.  What if you saw a guy walking around with his sneakers in his hand and barefoot after a night out.  You'd be like "what is this bum doing walking around without shoes".  So with that in mind, why is it different when girls do it? Whats more disgusting than walking around the puke ridden streets of Downtown Denver without shoes on.  The homeless don't even walk around sans shoes.  Not only is this disgusting but it takes the fun away from watching girls almost break their ankles while walking down the sidewalks riddled with cracks.  If you have never played "Is it the booze or the shoes" you are missing out.  Watch girls with high heels walk down the sidewalk after they have been to the bar and you and your sober friends guess whether the booze is why she is walking funny, or if its just her uncomfortable heels.

7) The Duck Face: 
                 
We get it, you want to take a picture of yourself but don't know what face to make.  Not being creative enough to just smile you decide to purse your lips together making the infamous duck face.  No matter how attractive you may be, or may have appeared  prior to this you have forever shamed yourself and your family.  If this were Ancient China you would have brought shame to your family and been exiled to Mongolia.  Get it together ladies and stop doing this.  No one thinks its cute...deep inside not even you.

I don't have time to continue to vent.  Guys and gals, feel free to comment and add your stupid girl habits and fashions.  Entertain me. Its time the roles be reversed, plus you guys didn't do anything special for me for Black History Month.  Thank God McDonalds introduced the Fish McBites though.

Divisional Playoff Picture

                                                
First off, I want to apologize for not finishing last weeks blog post, but in the tradition of being a true procrastinator I never got around to it the way I intended to.  Psych, I'm not apologizing to you girls.  I do this for free for your enjoyment. You should be apologizing to me for allowing me to waste my time on entertaining you guys.  Anywho, this good looking slim thing above is Tom Bradys wife Giselle.  I figured the best way to get some of you degenerates attention was to put a scantily clad woman as the picture.

So, what did we learn last week?  We learned that Ray Lewis is very intense and emotional.  I would compare Ray Lewis' intensity to that of me when I learn that it isn't just a fart, but instead is a present for the porcelain god.  Really though, are you ever more intense than when looking for a toilet in that moment? It happens to the best of us.  We also learned that having a robot like name doesn't ensure you are built like a robot.  It actually ensures that you are not a robot.  RGIII fell apart in front of our faces.  I think the III at the end of his name will end up being the amount of knee surgeries he will need in his football career (Vegas is taking prop bets on this).  Another thing we learned is that while men may love redheaded women...(you know who you are), football teams do not like being led by a firecrotch.  Lastly, we learned that the Joe Webb is the pride of UAB...but thats all he'll ever be. Now on to this weeks games.

This week there will be an unprecendented event happening that is sure to go unnoticed if it weren't for geniuses like myself.  This week in the playoffs, people like Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Matt Schaub and Matt Ryan will be performing on a national stage.  For the first time in NFL history, four of the quarterbacks playing in the divisional playoffs will have MORE FOREHEAD THAN EVERYONE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA COMBINED. 

This has got to be the most overlooked indicator for success in football.  If you have a white son, who plays quarterback, who has a big ass forehead...the kid is tapped for success.  Just make him stick to it.  You have got to be kidding me.  These are some giant foreheads.  I am pretty sure Megamind has been spreading his seed throughout the USA.  Now on to this weeks individual matchups

Ravens VS Broncos
The first game of the divisional weekend  that is going to be a dud in my opinion.  "Hey diddle diddle, Ray Rice up the middle" wont be of much use this weekend  because I was told by a very reliable source (Peyton Manning used his giant foreheads ability to look into the future) that they are going to go up by 14 or 17 points in the first half and unleash that big nerd (Von Miller) they have as an outside linebacker on Joe Flacco.  Von Miller will have at least two sacks during this game using as tackling fuel all the names Ray Rice use to call him in 4th grade; (among them are four eyes and baby teeth).  Broncos will coast to a win unless Ray Lewis uses his inner inmate to stab, I mean knock, Peyton Manning out of the game. 

Packers VS 49ers
As I am a Niners fan I am unallowed to pick against my team.  However, I do believe the discount double check may work out as Aaron Rodgers will need State Farm to double check for life insurance as the Niners defense shows him what San Francisco is all about. (Besides open extreme gay love, and hippies) Gangs and Defense, Thats what California does.  On offense however I will warn of the ability of Colin Kaepernick. Not his arms, or his legs...but his nose.  Dude has a nose on him.  This nose will allow him to smell what the defense is doing, along with what they had for dinner the night before and who was taking part in San Franciscos Red Light District...UGH.

Seahawks VS Falcons
This will be great game.  Intensity on both defensive squads and big hits to boot.  Matt Ryan has never won a playoff  game and it won't start this year.  What will go wrong is a combination of things starting from Atlantas high population of down low men (gay men posing as straight men).  Many of these guys are on the Falcons squad but the only obvious one is Asante Samuels.  I don't have any proof of this, but his name just sounds like a great gay guys name.  Asante and many other players will be out the night before the game gaying it up (singing Beyonce songs and dance battling in high heels) causing them to be exhausted for the big game.  The biggest factor in the game will be Russell Wilson.  This guy has been a problem for defenses all year.  Not because of his running ability or his passing ability.  It is because of his ETHNICITY!!!  What is he?  No one knows.  This is what haunts defenses. They try to read his eyes in zone defense and they just get lost in thought "He's looking at the slot receiver...wait, I wonder... is he black? But he looks like he could be Indian. No, not Native American Indian but red dot Indian. Shit, he just threw the ball"  TOUCHDOWN.  The defenses lack of understanding of what Russell Wilson is will continue to cause confusion and the Seahawks will win by about 5. 

Texans VS Patriots
This being the only game that has two of the big forehead QB's going head to head (HA, see what I did there. I don't get enough credit).  The best head will prevail.  Let us look at these noggins worthy of bloggin (Damn I'm good).  Both foreheads have attractive wives and thus tie in that department. Tom Brady has had a better career, even though both QB's got their start as backups to decent QB's.  Tom Brady earned his spot while Matt Schaub was simply given his. Endorsement deals...Matt Schaub, if he doesn't have an endorsement for hair club for men then he should.  Tom Brady reps for Uggs and Stetson.  I hate Uggs and Stetson smells like the bedroom when you walk in on your parents doing the nasty.  Most importantly, both of these foreheads have cavemen for targets (Andre Johnson and Gronk).  Since Gronk is the only one of these two who can go out after losing the Super Bowl and party like a kid who went solo to prom and drank to much by himself, and get away with it,  The Patriots get the nod.  It will be a decisive victory. 

BAD BREATH...
SEE CREST??? OUT!!!

Your NFL Playoff Picture Game 1

                           
First Off, let us reflect upon where we were at this time last year.  We were on the verge of watching Timothy Dick Tebow play his first playoff game after backing in.  Somehow in that game the Broncos managed to win and I was at that moment convinced that there was a God and this Dick Tebow guy had managed to become best friends with him.  I was willing and ready to hand my life over to the Mormon church and worship with them, and then in a weird twist of fate God showed me that I shouldn't believe everything this Tebow guy was preaching and let the Patriots break his ribs and thoroughly abuse him. 

I was reinvigorated, much like the neck of Peyton Manning which is to thank for killing the career of this Tebow character.  Now in this new NFL playoff picture there is only one relevant Christian and he plays for the Minnesota Vikings.  Anyway, lets breakdown these playoff match ups in a much more interesting way than they do on ESPN. 

Cincinnati Bengals at Houston Texans

QB: Matt Schaub has a rapidly receding hairline Andy Dalton has a head that is the same color as a lit match.  I will have to give the edge here to Andy Dalton.  Even though redheads are only cool in fantasies and pastries (Little Debbies), no one likes an old balding guy unless he's funny. 

WR: Both teams have dominant tall black guys.  The Bengals have AJ Green who is about as physically gifted as they come.  He can jump and contort his body in all kinds of ways and make some pretty incredible ways.  The Texans have Andre Johnson who is also a physical freak and looks like the product of genetic altering and slave breeding combined.  Even though AJ is only one letter away from being the greatest person alive I will have to give Andre the upper hand in this category for fear that if he found out I didn't he would give me one of those Cortland Finnegan beat downs

Defense: I have seen the effect JJ Watt can have on a game and while I fully understand that, there are many other things to consider.  First off, the Texans defensive coordinator is Wade Phillips, son of Bum Phillips.  With that being said we all know how I feel about BUMS.   Also, if you haven't seen Wade Phillips, he looks like the byproduct of a Newt Gingrich and Roseanne Barr love child.  The most important factor however is the fact that Cincinnati has more Samoans.  I don't know if you have ever seen a Samoan in real life but they are the most intimidating people on the earth next to Black people, Asians in all black, and deranged looking white guys (they blow things up).  Advantage goes to Cincinnati.

Overall: With the distraction of Andy Daltons fiery red hair, and the Samoans making everyone poo their pants on the Texans offense, the Bengals will win this game with a fair amount of ease.  That is unless Andre goes Rick James on someone again.  Then who knows what will happen.