Cartoons Taught Me Everything

                                           
Just the other day I got up on a Saturday morning, turned the television on and ran into an old cartoon favorite of mine...Dragon Ball Z. However, now its called Dragon Ball Z Kai just so these stupid kids think its new.  I began to think to myself about what cartoons were like when I was a kid.  Tom and Jerry was a classic; no matter what day it was or what time of the day you could turn to one of a few of the cartoon channels and run into a Tom and Jerry rerun.  Think about the things you learned from watching Tom and Jerry. Before I even had any pets I knew that cats hated mice because the mouse wanted to get the food out of the house that the cat stayed in.  I also learned that cats and dogs didn't get along either but this relationship really has never been explained. Anyhow, thinking about this cartoon inspired me to put together a list of the cartoons I used to watch and the things I learned from them.  So here it goes hope you enjoy it.

Ren and Stimpy:  Chihuahuas are already funny looking dogs but I don't know who the person is who decided to animate one and put him on drugs. From this cartoon I learned that drugs are bad and that you should never piss on an electric fence.  Trust me, Don't piss on the electric fence!

Animaniacs:  Kids left to fend for themselves is a terribly bad idea.  If kids are left to fend for themselves then they will resort to violence and crazy antics.  Also, I learned that if you scream " Hellooooooooo Nurse" repeatedly at an attractive nurse then it will be considered sexual harassment (even though I learned this in adulthood. The charges are still pending though so I can't really talk about it).

Pinky and The Brain:  This show came on during the Animaniacs show, which I may say that is entirely too much stupid for any kid to take in during one half hour.  I don't know how all of our brains didn't turn in fish food.  From this show I learned that a genius and an idiot should never hang out together. Even more importantly I learned that you should never leave an obvious idiot with an idiot who thinks they are a genius, this is usually what happens when you watch Americas Dumbest Criminals and 2 guys try to rob a store with a rubber chicken.  Most importantly though: Never, Never Ever...try and take over the world.  History shows you won't be successful

Angry Beavers: I didn't learn this until I got much older but adults enjoy some things about cartoons much more than kids will ever understand.  If you don't know what I'm talking about then read the name again....now you got it.

Rocko's Modern Life: Whoever wrote this show must have been a pessimist. All this show was on for was to teach kids that no matter how hard you try, no matter what decisions you make, your life will always be a shitty, miserable existence.  I mean Rocko had a fat cow as a best friend, and this best friend always found a way to unintentionally kick Rocko when he was down.  The bad part is that the writer was absolutely correct.  Life is pretty shitty at times.

The Adventures of Captain Planet: I don't even know where to start. This show turned every single one of us into world loving, racially and ethnically accepting children.  What made it even better is that the guy who ended up saving the world was a blue superhero that could only come around when every race worked together.  Everything that Captain Planet taught us was great until we were about 15 when we began to want cars; and cars run on gas, which puts out a horrible exhaust...oh well. Captain Planet ain't paying my bills if I don't get to work.  Or now you can't work because the Mexicans have all the jobs, or now you have no money because the African tricked you with a craigslist scheme, or now your broke because you had money  in the stock market and those greedy white bankers lost all of it.  Whatever it was for you that turned your inner Captain Planet off, but we all eventually grew up.

Where In the World Is Carmen Sandiego: We still havent found this lady. She is more evasive than Osama Bin Laden. The more I think of it, the more enraged I get. I even played the game in school and could never find her.  Can you say bullshit?

Pokemon: I will admit that I liked Pokemon and I even played the game. But I was never nerdy enough to collect the cards and actually sit down and play a game out.  I learned by not playing that you never want to be the kid with glasses playing card games in the cafeteria during recess.  I learned that Asians are very creative and very possessive.  Why do they have to catch them all?

Johnny Bravo: One of my personal favorites. It taught me that having hair that is gelled like crazy and muscles don't mean anything to a woman if you aren't a nice charming guy.  Or at least that's what I thought I learned until Jersey Shore came along.  Those guys are just exact replicas of Johnny, but add alcohol and fame and apparently women love those two things more than they love their own self respect.

Add to the Comments what you learned if you would like. I could have gone on forever.