"Colored People Time" Explained

                                       

Quite often I get invited to events by my friends, whether it be a barbecue, party, or round of golf; and for some reason I cannot get myself together in time to be there when I told them I would get there.  Its really quite mind boggling because I fully intended to be there on time, and sometimes I even intend on getting there early but it never happens.  My whole life I've always heard of this phenomenon called Colored People Time, and always thought it was just people looking to attribute tardiness to Black people, (we all know that everything bad is always attributed to black people, ie the Civil War which had nothing to do with us).  However, the older I get I see that this thing Colored People Time is a real thing and can be explained, I fully intend to here.

First, we all know that whenever you invite your Black friends to events we/they are always at least 10 to 15 minutes late.  Initially you think that because Black people are inherently so hip and cool that we have to always be fashionably late, false. Even though we are inherently more hip and cool than any other race; if you don't believe me challenge us to a dance contest...Yeah, I didn't think you wanted that problem, we've all seen "You Got Served".  When we are tardy it is not a conscious thing, we really cannot help it.

Secondly, you think to yourself "okay, since *insert name of Black friend here* cannot be on time I will always tell them to be wherever it is they need to be at least 15 earlier than the real time". This at first seems brilliant, however do not let us get ahold of this information at all. It will work the first time, maybe even twice but we all know the saying, "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I'm going to be a half hour late next time because you think you can play me sucka".  I think it goes something like that.  So what do you do? You accept it.

So how do we explain this phenomenon? It goes back to slavery.  Back when the ancestors of Caucasian Americans were punishing my ancestors for taking breaks or not doing enough in the fields we developed an aversion for time.  We learned to work so diligently and steady that time was not a factor.  We didn't have watches or clocks. All we had was the sun and the moon.  So while your ancestors were indoors, enjoying the manual air conditioner (house slave fanning them), and looking at their pocket watch and thinking it was about time for dinner or lunch or whatever the event be. My ancestors were working away, and the same goes for us today. When we are late to your party, dinner, or whatever, it is because we were at home working diligently. Working diligently making sure these Jordans match perfectly with my shirt and hat (they always do); or working diligently smacking some person on Xbox in Madden; or quite honestly working diligently not giving a damn about being on time to your event.

In closing, DONT YOU EVER, EVER, EVER REFER TO YOUR BLACK FRIEND BEING LATE BECAUSE THEY ARE ON COLORED PEOPLE TIME. You will most likely get publicly disrespected and probably lose your Black friend.  Never refer to a Black person as colored...you will always lose.  Anyway, the next time I am late to your event, understand. Understand that it is in my DNA, and nothing can change whats in our DNA.  ;)