I'm Straight Thuggin...Internet Thuggin!!!

                                
I remember being a kid and living in a bad neighborhood with real gangs, real thugs, real drive bys and real drugs. (That was my attempt at rapping. Hope you liked it)  Looking back on it, I should have been terrified especially seeing how every thug/ and wanna be thug in the complex hated my mom cause she didn't take no mess from nobody, (she hasn't changed and takes even less now).  The funny thing though was that I wasnt.  I digress however; what has the world come to when every person with a keyboard can be a thug. 

All it takes is a facebook account, gmail account or whatever it takes to post on youtube.  We have all gotten into a digital argument with a digital tough guy and when it comes down to it they aren't as tough in person as they are when they are miles away.  You don't believe me, go on youtube and post a comment about how you dislike any video. It doesn't matter what it is, you will instantly be accosted by internet tough guys like the one pictured above.  They live their life just to start internet beef, this guy will talk so tough from behind that screen but if you were to see him in real life he would begin to apologize faster than the guy who farts while on a first date.  Social media has created an army of tough guys. I just recently got into a facebook argument with a guy who attempted to insult me.  But when it came down to it, I told him I would come to him so we can settle the problem at hand and guess what happened...no more comments. Well you know what they say..."when the going gets tough, the bitches stop commenting".

Anyway, the best story ever about digital tough guys. I will keep all characters with their real names because I'm sure some of you will know who I am talking about:

My sophomore year at college I was living with some roommates, one of which happened to be my oldest brother Russell.  I come back to the house from class for the afternoon and there was my brother and one of the roommates (Denzel) chilling watching tv talking about something that happened that day.  For the life of me I cannot remember what it was but it was important.  Russ had been texting this dude Carl over some apparent digital beef that had just occurred via text messaging.  If you don't know Denzel, then you don't know that he will instigate things just for his own amusement and this story doesn't bear an exception to this.  Denzel, in the most hilarious way, was instigating this new beef between Carl and Russ to get Russ pumped up to the point to where he wanted to fight Carl. 

Russ texts Carl and says, "you know what, we can solve this now. I'm coming to you." AND LIKE AN IDIOT CARL AGREES.  Denzel knowing the full depth of the situation is as excited as a kid on christmas morning. Russ and Carl have never seen eachother and don't know what eachother look like or anything, but Denzel does and he knows what is to come of this situation.  I assume Carl thought Russ was an average sized guy, damn he couldn't have been more wrong.  Russ is at least 6'4" and at the time he was all of 275.  Those of you who have seen him know how big he is.  Carl is all of 5'9" 180 tops.  This was going to be a blood bath. 

We (Denzel, Russ, Me) pile in Denzels car to take the 2 minute ride over to Carls.  We pull up in the parking lot  in front of Carls apartment, Denzel points out which one it is and Russ gets out the car. He knocks on the door and backs up to allow for room for Carl to gather himself before the beating is to begin.  No peep hole on these apartment doors by the way.

Carl opens the door and steps out and I think he may have had to clench his butt cheeks to keep what was left of his courage inside him.  I have never seen anyone become apologetic so fast in my life.  All of those text messages that he was sending to Russ he wished he could have back, he began to apologize in the most funny way possible.  It went something like this " nah man, I didn't even say that. What had happened was...I aint even trying to fight" Russ flinches at Carl and he almost ran back into his apartment and locked the door. 

When Denzel and I had had enough laughs to last us the entire week Russ got back in the car and we went back home laughing the entire way.  The moral of the story is don't talk trash to the wrong person. They may be more than what you bargained for. They may find out where you live and hunt you out and stomp you out just because to them it isn't just the internet. It doesn't just go away when they log out. Its real.

The Problem with America

                            
Before I begin, anyone who knows me knows that I am a liberal.  Anyone, who knows me also knows that I am black. With those things being said I clearly have a sense of allegiance to President Obama. However, my allegiance to the Democratic Party and the president does not bar me from being able to listen to opposing opinions.  I frequently listen to conservative radio: Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh (as much as I don't like them), and I also watch Fox News and that damn Bill O'Reilly.

Do I agree with them? Hell to the nizzaww. But does that make me right and them wrong? Usually yes, just kidding, but just because we disagree doesn't make one right or one wrong.  I think one thing that we all forget is that a discourse/discussion/debate between two opposing sides is a good thing.  Not only is it good but it is great.  There was a time when there was no discourse; when women and blacks couldn't vote. When a womans place was in the kitchen only and only land owning white men had opinions that mattered.  But now that everyone is equal in theory we forget to have a discourse. We forget to have a civilized debate, something that we all want, but something that we refuse to exercise. 

We tend to forget the way that we got to where we all are today was that we were taught things. We took our preconceived notions and were proven wrong.  WE ALL use to believe in Santa Claus and we all had the debate on the school playground as to why Santa was real. Only to be proven wrong.  Don't go into every situation in life believing that you know it all, and you know the right way to solve every problem because you will quickly be the laughing stock in every situation.

If you are a conservative, for every hour you spend reaffirming your own beliefs, spend 10 minutes watching MSNBC.  If you are a liberal, for every hour you spend reaffirming your own beliefs, spend 10 minutes watching Fox News.  Take a minute to empty your cup and allow water from a different faucet to be poured in. A cup can always be emptied but if you miss out on some water coming down the stream the opportunity may not be there later on as the stream may dry out. 

Be able to have a debate with your friends who don't agree with every opinion you have and hear what they say. Don't just listen. We will all be better for it. 

Crazy White People-Epic Meal Time

If you haven't heard of Epic Meal Time you are missing out. Its a group canadian white guys who must have a lot of extra money and rich parents eating massive amounts of whatever it is they wish to eat. Check it out.

Whats The Deal With Gas???

                              
What the F*ck is the deal with gas prices? This shit has gotten way out of hand.  Now I understand that gas prices are actually starting to come down a little bit (All praises be to Allah and Obama) but its still too damn high.  What happened to the days of 99 cents for a gallon of gas? Today I was driving down the road and saw gas listed for $2.85 and I literally almost broke my damn neck staring at it.  I was in a daze, I didn't know if i was dreaming or if I should keep driving, or if I should get over super fast to fill up even though I had 3/4 of a full tank of gas.  The guys can relate to this feeling. You know when you see a girl so fine that you can't turn away.  Like your lips don't work, you cant blink for fear that you'll miss something and you don't realize that you are staring so hard until she catches you. And then you try and play it off like you had something in your eye or like you were staring just past her.  We'll thats how I felt about that particular gas price.  If I could have mustered up the courage I would have asked the owner of the gas station to take a polaroid with me and have them sign it.

This shit has got to stop. I've had enough.  I'm going to call my good buddy Muhammad over in Afghanistan and have him give me the hook up on a tanker.  I mean, he only makes like 45 cents a day milking camels in the hot sun, so he has got to be waiting on me to call him. I'm going to have him get some oil in the tanker and ship it to me. Once I get it, I'm going to refine it. (All of you thinking to yourselves "he doesn't know how to refine oil"...yes I do. I already have a ghetto rigged mini refinery in the basement but don't tell noooooobody *pops from friday voice*).  Even after this long process, the total cost to me would only come out to about 2.25 a gallon. BAM

What President Obama Wants to Say

This is hilarious!!! Thats All

Me and my grandma dancing to Rack City.

I saw this video yesterday morning when it had 300 views and didn't have time to post it. Here is a hilarious video of this dude and his grandma dancing to Tygas Rack City. While this video is hilarious it is definitely a white person only thing. A black grandma would never agree to dance to a song on the internet that constantly says bitch. You crazy white people haha Enjoy

Guilt Trip City

Have you ever...actually I know all of you have so the question is irrelevant.  How about when you are on Facebook, or sitting at home minding your own damn business and you see it.  The call to action because someone wants to spread the word or is begging for a pity party.  They usually look something like this:

Everybody who reads this, If you care for me or if you love me you will like/repost/forward this on to ten friends.

Or

If you love god you will see this picture and share it on your page.  If you love the devil and hate god you will ignore this.  God wont be mad at you but he won't forget about this when judgement comes.  You won't get into heaven because you didn't spread this message. 

The second one is the worst because not only do you feel obligated but you really begin to think to yourself "will God really remember this? I really want to get in to Heaven. I should share this picture just to be safe"  Its just so laughable to me.  If you have ever done this, please don't do it again.  We usually just laugh at you and skip over it, however I may just be speaking for myself...but I doubt it. 

Homeless Entrepreneurs

                          
Ladies and gentlemen, this country is facing an epidemic. A homeless epidemic!!! The homeless in this country are becoming less and less homeless by the day. This at first sounds great.  Who doesn't want less homeless? Its what we all dreamed of right?  Well you didn't read that very well. The homeless people we see on the corners, by our highways, at our major intersections, next to the McDonalds drive thru aren't really homeless.  How do I know you ask?  Because I am a student of the Homeless Sciences; yes its a real science.  I minored in Homeless Sciences at The Fort Hays State University.

The homeless people that we are seeing next to our highways are not really homeless but rather they are homeless as a career choice.  And who can blame them, these guys are making a killing.  Think about that overwhelming feeling that comes over you when you pull up to the light and there you see it.  That damn cardboard sign written in that expensive Sharpie permanent marker.  I couldn't even afford to buy Sharpies in college with the governments money but somehow these "homeless" sons a bitches can.  However, I digress, when you see that damn sign you get filled with so much guilt you can't even look over at the person holding the sign without feeling like you owe them a dollar.  Everytime I see one of these people I feel as if the only reason they are homeless is because they loaned me their last dollar, knowing very well they had to pay their $1 dollar rent the very next day; and me thinking that "it's just a dollar" didn't pay it back in time thus getting them evicted.  Thats the obligation I feel when we make eye contact. 

At least thats how I used to feel about the homeless person standing on the side of the road. I felt that obligation until I finished my minor in Homeless Sciences.  Thats when I completely figured it for the first time.  LOOK AT THE SHOES!!!  The shoes of a "homeless" person will tell you everything you need to know about their current sitation.  Real homeless people have the most busted up shoes possible. Envision Tom Hanks in Cast Away, or the pair of shoes that you would wear if you knew you were going to step in human feces all day long.  Their shoes are that bad. 

When I had my first experience in the field, I was getting off the highway and I realized that the same two or three people work this exit and they are there everyday.  I began to search my head for answers then I looked down to avoid the gazing eyes behind the cardboard sign and I saw it. Her shoes were cleaner than mine.  They weren't no Kmart specials either.  Then the next day another guy had on some Jordans, they weren't super clean but nonetheless they were Jordans.  The most egregious of them all happened just recently.  On two separate occasions I have seen "homeless" people with some damn SKETCHERS SHAPE UPS on.  I almost pulled over and beat both of them down for insulting my intelligence.  These two, Dudes i might add, had the audacity to take the money they had been collecting to buy shoes to make their feet feel better while scaming people, as well as get a nice leg workout at the same time.  I was absolutely speechless, so speechless the only words I could muster up were "this motherf*cka right here". 

Take my advice, look at the shoes. You can't be fooled by the shoes!