You're a special Snowflake

Every good parent tells their son or daughter that they're special. I'm sure this has been going on for some time now. However, I believe what used to happen is that a parent would tell their kid that they were special, they would graduate high school and then realize the painful truth. You aren't that special!

Don't get me wrong, everyone is special in their own way to the people around them. Every person holds a special place in the heart of someone, and if you're truly special many. BUT I don't know what changed, besides a technological evolution, that made all of us feel as if we are unique snowflakes. Maybe it was a cultural shift, where parents began telling their child they were special all the way through college. Into adulthood. And we, like the educated dummies we are actually believed it. Not like she told you "I love you" via text message believed it, but truly took it to heart. Now we are standing here thinking we're special snowflakes, in a WalMart check out line that bends up 3 Aisles and we all have 20% off laptops and HDTV's. Nothing lets you know you're a special snowflake quite the way Wally World does. 

What's wrong with this you may ask? Well of course you knew bickering was coming in here somewhere; and the irony with which I say this next statement(not to mention this entire blog) is fully understood. Social media is the problem. I scroll through my newsfeed and timeline(Twitter) and see everyday people documenting everyday events as if they just met the President of The United States. "Going to a movie with Bae", "just put new tires on the truck", "just got back from the doctors office and the flu sucks", etc.  As if the other 100 couples in the theatre wasn't an alert that your date wasn't significant. Or the fact that we have an entire manufacturing industry where tires are made and sold to people to put on their truck at some point; or the fact that there is more than one doctors office, and more than one flu medicine wasn't enough to let you know that you aren't that important and this isn't a one off deal for humanity. 

What truly Grinds My Gears is Instagram. No I do not have one, but I am still a victim of your photos that get shared to my newsfeed and timeline. Everyday the sun rises and sets. Every single day. Not a day in human history has passed where these two events did not happen. Also, the worlds population is growing and millions of people see these two events every time they occur. What in the HELL MAKES YOU THINK THE SUNSET YOU SAW WAS DIFFERENT FROM WHAT THE REST OF US SAW? AND, I don't want to see your meal, unless you are a chef and put something special together, then only show your stomach and intestinal tract your #foodporn. 

Listen guys I get it. We all want to document and share with our friends what's going on in our lives. However, when doing so please realize that you aren't special. You're a cog in a system of gears that is easily replaced. I know, it sounds bleak, and condescending but it's mostly truthful. Keep enjoying life as if you were one of a kind, but keep that trash off my newsfeed and timeline. Continue to believe that we all are truly special, and ask yourself this question. If I have a problem with people sharing then why don't I get off social media? Simply put...because I am special, and if I weren't on social media how would I share my complaint section that I call a blog. 

Roger Goddell, We Hate you!

Im not just writing this quick blog because I happen to have Adrian Peterson on my fantasy team. I'm writing this blog because "I've had it up to here", as black parents say, with Roger Goddells shit. 

I'm sick of Roger Goddell being judge and jury. Being the decider, and basically the sole person choosing who has the right to have a career in the NFL after someone makes a mistake. I understand Ray Rice hit his wife viciously, I understand Adrian Peterson spanking his child in the manner in which he did is despicable to some people, and against the law. However, the position he has put himself and the NFL in, is one that places them above the law. One that says "we'll wait until the legal process has run it's course, then we'll take action", in some cases, and "He won't play until his legal matter is resolved" in others. I know I'm not the only person who sees the hypocrisy in those statements. By the way, who is we? In every disciplinary case, Roger is the only person making decisions. There is no panel. No jury. 

First, let's examine the Ray Rice situation. Did Goddell really not understand that Ray Rice hit his wife and knocked her out,after he was arrested for hitting his wife(girlfriend at the time), and knocking her out? Is there really a difference in the eyes of the NFL in the way you hit your wife? I guess so, because the original thought about an open hand resulting in a knockout is only worth 3 games, but a closed hand makes all the difference. GTFOH! (Even I have cursing limits, I know...laughable). This whole thing makes me wonder how the NFLPA ever agreed to this crazy process. As well as those lawyers are paid, not a single one thought a panel of ones peers would be a good idea in making such career changing decisions? As opposed to some suit, that isn't from where these employees are from, or has nearly as much to lose? I could've thought of that, collectively bargained that, and I've only taken the LSAT once with so so results. I mean damn, I don't have to see the chicken cooking in the kitchen if I can smell it when I come in the door to know its chicken cooking! You feel me. What I'm sayings is(misspellings intentional), we's coulda seen this coming from fars away sur(pronounced like sir). Damn near smelled it. 

Anyway, back to Goddell. We all know what this is about, public relations and moms perceptions of the NFL. Goddell is trying to secure fans, and look out for the future of the league. He is trying to keep the US different from the rest of the world. He wants to keep Americas best athletes playing football because this makes for a better product. Imagine if the league was full of average athletes, like the MLS is. Who would watch? Who would tailgate, spend enormous amounts on tickets, crazy amounts on beers, hot dogs, beers, margaritas and beers? No one. Because I can watch par athletes play football weekly at my local YMCA every Saturday for free and be entertained. Not to mention the price and selection of beer is better. 

The NFL is going to have to get away from Roger Goddel being the sole decision maker in these cases. Not only is it more of a fair process, but it also allows to league to save face in instances like when the Ray Rice video came out. But as of now, Roger Goddell is good for two things...

1) Ruining Black guys careers

2) Ruining white guys fantasy football teams (present company excluded)

Dueces✌️✌️✌️

The Death of a Dynasty

   

So Fred Phelps of the hate mongering Westboro Baptist church finally passed away, and unlike the Grinch he never had that moment where his heart grew 3 sizes in one day. Well, how do you feel about it? There seems to be mixed reaction, but most of it appears to be celebratory. 

I for one have never been the type to celebrate the death of anyone, except in movies, no matter how evil or hateful they were. I even felt incredibly uneasy about people crowding in front of The White House after our military killed Osama Bin Laden. It's probably my liberal bleeding heart. 

With that being said, I will treat this situation no different. Am I sad that Fred Phelps died? Absolutely not, but neither am I excited about it. The type of people that he created in his lifetime is no legacy that any reasonable person would be proud of. To go to the extremes that he and his followers did to get their message out is unheard of, and even insane. In their efforts to spread "the word of god" they did nothing but foster hatred for their entire cause. 

The real question in Fred Phelps death is whether people should protest his funeral or not? I always quote a Jay-Z song when it comes to issues like this..."a wise man once told me don't argue with fools, because from a distance, people can't tell who is who". I would personally love it if no one protested his funeral. Or how about, a very large group of people show up to the funeral with tons of roses and express their condolences to the family, friends, and followers of The Westboro Baptist Church. Show them the love and care that they refused to show to the families of those soldiers. How amazing would that be?

Maybe I'm more of a bleeding heart liberal than I like to admit to. Maybe the best thing to do is to let the followers of the church feel what all those families felt when they showed up to mourn the loss of a loved one and were greeted with hatred by people who never knew that loved one. Maybe for some people the only way they learn is by an eye for an eye. Or, maybe the best thing to do is lead by example.  

I'm not professing to know which scenario would best change the hearts and minds of people as far out as the followers of The Westboro Baptist Church. But even if you don't change one heart or mind that day, in my opinion, it would be much more satisfying to meet that hatred with love. 

Happy Valentines Day

As we get set to embark on one of the most romantic holidays ever created, I wanted to check with you guys and make sure we all understand the importance of Valentines Day. 

Before we can fully understand the importance of this holiday for couples around the globe, we should first learn the history of it. You can find it here (http://www.npr.org/2011/02/14/133693152/the-dark-origins-of-valentines-day). Condensed version however is that the Ancient Romans created it from their festival called Lupercalia, a fertility ritual basically, where men and women were paired randomly. Now that we have that out of the way, we can get down to business.

Guys, I hope you planned ahead and set those reservations at your local Applebee's, or if you're a real romantic worth his weight in gold, Red Lobster. Because nothing says "you mean the world to me" like Cheddar Biscuits from Red Lobster. That's only partially joke, Cheddar Biscuits are more important than engagement rings fellas. This year should truly be something special for all the couples celebrating because it'll be on a Friday. With Valentines Day falling on a Friday, you will have to incur more than the normal amount of difficulty getting a table, or if you really love her...a booth and yes it matters. 

By the way, I hope you had flowers already ordered and got her work address right; because let's be real, if you dont send the flowers to her office where the bitter single ladies can see them then why get her flowers at all? It's only partially about the gesture of you spending at least an hours worth of salary on meaningless plants that are basically overpriced air freshener.  It's more about the announcement that your woman, your special lady, is taken. And some of the ladies in the office...aren't. Ladies, you better believe that the women who aren't, may be smiling and "admiring" your gorgeous bouquet on the outside, but on the inside they hope you eat some bad crab at Red Lobster tonight and get food poisoning. Only after you stick your face into your bouquet to sniff your red roses and you suddenly break out in some nasty herpes looking rash because you're suddenly allergic. 

Almost as important as the flowers to work, is some sort of chocolate. Nothing says "I love your beauty" more than an acne breakout in a heart shaped box. You better mean it fellas, because after she smashes that box of mystery chocolates not only will she break out like a 15 year old girl before school pictures and be completely unrecognizable. 

If you do it all perfectly guys, you may get lucky at the end of the night. However, if you get lucky are you really lucky? You both had a very large meal, and you better believe you each had at least four Cheddar Biscuits. Not to mention dessert; because your lovely lady deserves cheesecake or a molten lava chocolate cake if her little heart desires it. And ladies, you better eat dessert. If your man is taking you out on Valentines day, then you can rest assured that he won't leave you for at least a few weeks because he's just made a big investment in you. Get that food item that leaves you bloated. You also have to consider the fact that you're eating for lonely Karen from the office as well.  Anyway, with all that considered, bloated gassy sex is the last thing that should happen. 

Basically what I'm saying is that Valentines day is ridiculous. Nothing about any of these rituals is special. Few things tell your significant other they are special like getting them gifts on the exact same day as millions of other significant others getting gifts. Not to mention, they are receiving gifts not because you just thought they deserved it, but because it's expected because hallmark says so. Or maybe I'm just cheap. Either way, at least you know how I feel. 

The Booty Titanic

Oh, my white brethren...you've done it again. You continue to take cruises and continue to fall victim to numerous "accidents". The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Well, it appears you guys are insane. 

First, let me clarify. I say white brethren because there is something engrained deeply in the genetic make up of black people that will not allow us to get on a giant ship/boat, with a lot of other people and not be paranoid. You've probably never realized it, but we don't do boats. Every time you've gone fishing or waterskiing, I can almost guarantee you won't or haven't seen a black person out on the water. If you catch us on the water, it's by accident or we're too drunk to disagree. The only boat it's acceptable to catch a black person on is the Banana Boat. 

Now, when I think vacation, I'm definitely not thinking of one of the most terrific ways to die. Because that's what a cruise is. It's a terrific way to die. Who doesn't want to go down with the band in Titanic and a couple thousand of your closest strangers? I won't even get on a ferry, and the only reason I ride the lazy river at Water World is because my feet can touch the bottom. Not to mention if something goes wrong on the lazy river, it's every man for himself. Not this "let the elderly, the women, and the children be saved first" mentality. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!! 

I thought this was 2014... Why are we still traveling by boat? I thought people knew the best way to travel was by direct flights. If I want to see the Carribean, I will be taking direct flights to all my destinations, not taking the upgraded version of Columbus' first stops in the slave trade. At least if something goes wrong on a plane it's a relatively quick death. ("Ahhh, I'm hangliding...I'm dead"). However, how long was the terrifying death scene in Titanic? Wasn't that single scene like it's own VHS tape on the original version? And that's a movie. In movies they condense things so you don't fall asleep. So technically it took Leonardo Di Caprio like 30 hours to freeze to death (its science. Look it up). I know most cruises aren't in freezing waters, but every cruise goes right through a sharks living room, and they're waiting to make you pay for intruding. Whenever a cruise ship goes down sharks refer to it as Thanksgiving. 

Did the people on this cruise not see what happened to those people on that cruise a few years ago, where they lost power and had to take poops like cavemen? Right over the side folks.  Nothing says relaxation like being a dead battery away from the State of Nature (Big ups to John Locke). Also, nothing says relaxation like Diarrhea, vomiting and gastrointestinal disease while stuck in a tiny room that traps smells like an elevator full of fat guys after a chili luncheon. 

While I don't advise taking all your life lessons from black people, you can certainly take a few. One of these lessons is not twerking. You guys ruined that and made the news anchors sound stupid.  Look at how we travel. Planes, trains and automobiles folks. Death is quick if something goes wrong, and help is usually pretty close...unless your driving through Kansas...or Nebraska, or rural Texas. You get the point. 

Here's the article. 

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/25/travel/cruise-ship-illness/index.html?hpt=hp_t1