The Booty Titanic

Oh, my white brethren...you've done it again. You continue to take cruises and continue to fall victim to numerous "accidents". The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Well, it appears you guys are insane. 

First, let me clarify. I say white brethren because there is something engrained deeply in the genetic make up of black people that will not allow us to get on a giant ship/boat, with a lot of other people and not be paranoid. You've probably never realized it, but we don't do boats. Every time you've gone fishing or waterskiing, I can almost guarantee you won't or haven't seen a black person out on the water. If you catch us on the water, it's by accident or we're too drunk to disagree. The only boat it's acceptable to catch a black person on is the Banana Boat. 

Now, when I think vacation, I'm definitely not thinking of one of the most terrific ways to die. Because that's what a cruise is. It's a terrific way to die. Who doesn't want to go down with the band in Titanic and a couple thousand of your closest strangers? I won't even get on a ferry, and the only reason I ride the lazy river at Water World is because my feet can touch the bottom. Not to mention if something goes wrong on the lazy river, it's every man for himself. Not this "let the elderly, the women, and the children be saved first" mentality. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!! 

I thought this was 2014... Why are we still traveling by boat? I thought people knew the best way to travel was by direct flights. If I want to see the Carribean, I will be taking direct flights to all my destinations, not taking the upgraded version of Columbus' first stops in the slave trade. At least if something goes wrong on a plane it's a relatively quick death. ("Ahhh, I'm hangliding...I'm dead"). However, how long was the terrifying death scene in Titanic? Wasn't that single scene like it's own VHS tape on the original version? And that's a movie. In movies they condense things so you don't fall asleep. So technically it took Leonardo Di Caprio like 30 hours to freeze to death (its science. Look it up). I know most cruises aren't in freezing waters, but every cruise goes right through a sharks living room, and they're waiting to make you pay for intruding. Whenever a cruise ship goes down sharks refer to it as Thanksgiving. 

Did the people on this cruise not see what happened to those people on that cruise a few years ago, where they lost power and had to take poops like cavemen? Right over the side folks.  Nothing says relaxation like being a dead battery away from the State of Nature (Big ups to John Locke). Also, nothing says relaxation like Diarrhea, vomiting and gastrointestinal disease while stuck in a tiny room that traps smells like an elevator full of fat guys after a chili luncheon. 

While I don't advise taking all your life lessons from black people, you can certainly take a few. One of these lessons is not twerking. You guys ruined that and made the news anchors sound stupid.  Look at how we travel. Planes, trains and automobiles folks. Death is quick if something goes wrong, and help is usually pretty close...unless your driving through Kansas...or Nebraska, or rural Texas. You get the point. 

Here's the article. 

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/25/travel/cruise-ship-illness/index.html?hpt=hp_t1