Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to set the record straight. I am sure I am not the first person to tackle this subject and i'm sure I wont be the last; however that is not going to stop me from laying into the ladies...(no jokes intended). I can't take it anymore, you guys all look the same. Everywhere I go on a Saturday afternoon it seems like I keep running into the same woman but with subtle differences each time. One time she may have blonde hair, the next time she may be a soul less ginger but still the same woman. Ok, I'm obviously being a little tongue in cheek here but you get the point. Here are a list of things that women wear and do that guys think looks ridiculous but they still do it.
1) Uggs. Obviously: Every guy will admit to his friends that you Look like an idiot. Unless you are living in the Artic, Antartic, or there is snow on the ground then there is no reason for you to be wearing these "boots" on your feet. I call them "boots" because they aren't technically boots. The definition of boots is "A sturdy item of footwear covering the foot, the ankle, and sometimes the leg below the knee." Look at these disgraces. They certainly are not sturdy. You might as well be wearing flip flops with socks and leg warmers because thats how dumb you look.
2) Leggings, a skirt and Uggs: I've already stated my position on leggings in previous blogs and if you don't recall it then go back and read my blogs. The purpose of leggings is to keep the legs warm, then the idea and purpose behind a skirt is the keep the legs cool because it is hot out. Lastly, the point of the overpriced Chewbacca socks is to keep your feet warm. Not only does this combination make you look stupid, but it makes your body feel stupid as well. It doesn't know whether to sweat to cool you or shiver to heat you. Just stop it. The worst culprit of this is CU Boulder. On any given day, when the temperature is below 40 degrees, half of the females student body members are wearing the exact same outfit.
3) Skinny Jeans, Frog Body: First, imagine a frog out in nature. Out in the pond just enjoying its wonderful carefree life. Then a human comes along and domesticates this frog, stands it up and puts pants on it. No butt and no real size to the legs...all the weight is in the midsection.
I notice this in teenage girls more than in adults. A girl who does not need to be wearing tight clothing is wearing the tightest jeans she could fit her little frog legs in, however, everything else, that is MUCH BIGGER than her legs, is hanging over the edge of those jeans. Not only that, but the shirt she is wearing is sucking the life force out of her and her extra flabs of skin are exposed. Since their parents aren't brave enough to tell them to change before they leave the house, it is our responsibility as men to stare with obvious discontent until they see us. Then stare more.
4) Anything Lady/Guy Gaga wears: No more words needed
5) Anything Snookie wears...
6) Out late with heels in hand: I absolute hate when I go out for a night on the town and I see a girl walking around with her heels in her hand and she is barefoot on public sidewalks. First, before you start to think of excuses for this lady, think if the roles were reversed. What if you saw a guy walking around with his sneakers in his hand and barefoot after a night out. You'd be like "what is this bum doing walking around without shoes". So with that in mind, why is it different when girls do it? Whats more disgusting than walking around the puke ridden streets of Downtown Denver without shoes on. The homeless don't even walk around sans shoes. Not only is this disgusting but it takes the fun away from watching girls almost break their ankles while walking down the sidewalks riddled with cracks. If you have never played "Is it the booze or the shoes" you are missing out. Watch girls with high heels walk down the sidewalk after they have been to the bar and you and your sober friends guess whether the booze is why she is walking funny, or if its just her uncomfortable heels.
7) The Duck Face:
We get it, you want to take a picture of yourself but don't know what face to make. Not being creative enough to just smile you decide to purse your lips together making the infamous duck face. No matter how attractive you may be, or may have appeared prior to this you have forever shamed yourself and your family. If this were Ancient China you would have brought shame to your family and been exiled to Mongolia. Get it together ladies and stop doing this. No one thinks its cute...deep inside not even you.
I don't have time to continue to vent. Guys and gals, feel free to comment and add your stupid girl habits and fashions. Entertain me. Its time the roles be reversed, plus you guys didn't do anything special for me for Black History Month. Thank God McDonalds introduced the Fish McBites though.
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