Always A Fire | Chad Jones Documentary

Great story about a sure thing that gets ripped from you in an instant. 

I Hate Your Facebook Posts

                              

I remember when I first got a facebook account back in Freshman year of college.  It was such a nice tool back then.  That was when only college students could get it and before the term "Facebook Stalking" was invented.  It was a way for college kids to stay connected aka a way for guys to hunt down girls in college (as if the traditional way wasn't working good enough), but then the evolution began.  They soon opened it  to all kinds of people: High School kids, Parents, businesses etc; and slowly but surely it lost its allure.  You're photo albums of you passed out wasted with penises drawn all over your face, because you have awesome friends, no longer was a source of hilarity but rather a tool to be used against you in job interviews.  Your plans for the night posted on your status suddenly became an invitation for the crazy guy to show up and awkwardly stare at you ( you know who you are guy, and you girls all have that facebook friend).  However, all of this isn't what made Facebook into a shell of what it use to be...YOU DID!!!

You ruined Facebook for everybody with your silly posts that aren't relevant to anyone on your friends list.  You don't believe me...here is the list of annoying things that people do on Facebook. Tell me you don't agree.

1) Repeatedly Posting pictures of your child:  We were all happy for you being pregnant and expecting your first child (We doesn't include your disappointed parents, your best friend or the babys father but you get the idea). But then, it took a turn for the worst.  It got annoying when you started posting pictures of your pregnant stomach all over THE BOOK every two weeks. We get it, you're getting huge. That's really important because you are the first girl to ever get a huge stomach when shes pregnant.  Amazing. Just when we didn't think it could get any worse, you actually had the child and every breathing moment became a photo that you just had to share with all of us.  Let me be very clear here: WE DON'T HATE YOU OR YOUR CHILD BUT DAMN. WE DON'T NEED TO SEE ALL OF IT. 

2)Posting Pictures of your food:  THE BOOK is not a cooking website.  We don't give a damn what you made or what you ordered at a restaurant unless it is of epic proportions.  Get that off my timeline.  Posting pictures of your food could only mean two things: you're fat, or you will be fat very soon.  (Literally just laughed loudly to myself) 

3) The Religious Guilt:  I am not taking a stance on religion here because religions themselves don't annoy me...but what does is your "Like this if you love God. If you don't, keep scrolling.  Only you and God will know".  This is the most ridiculous garbage.  I'm sure liking this picture or status will keep God off my back for 24 hours, I don't know how people ever got along with God before THE BOOK came along.  I'm plenty sure that God is more concerned with the fornication that you were involved in on Saturday night and liking this picture/or status wont get you out of the buddy. 

4) THIS:
I admit these kind of little gems were hilarious when people first started doing them. Now they are just annoying as hell.  Any ten year old with a computer could do this, why is yours so important.  I hate your guts. 

5) Your Shameless Publicity:  You are pushing a product and we have to hear about it every 5 seconds.  Cool right? NO. No one understands more than I do that having people aware of your product is the best way to sell, but as a salesman I also understand that bombardment is a horrible sales strategy.  Inform me, humor me, show me why I should be interested or want to buy. Get that mess off my timeline. 

If you are guilty of these atrocities, don't feel bad, don't get mad. Just stop doing it, and you'll be amazed at how quickly people will start liking your statuses again.  Bums

"Colored People Time" Explained

                                       

Quite often I get invited to events by my friends, whether it be a barbecue, party, or round of golf; and for some reason I cannot get myself together in time to be there when I told them I would get there.  Its really quite mind boggling because I fully intended to be there on time, and sometimes I even intend on getting there early but it never happens.  My whole life I've always heard of this phenomenon called Colored People Time, and always thought it was just people looking to attribute tardiness to Black people, (we all know that everything bad is always attributed to black people, ie the Civil War which had nothing to do with us).  However, the older I get I see that this thing Colored People Time is a real thing and can be explained, I fully intend to here.

First, we all know that whenever you invite your Black friends to events we/they are always at least 10 to 15 minutes late.  Initially you think that because Black people are inherently so hip and cool that we have to always be fashionably late, false. Even though we are inherently more hip and cool than any other race; if you don't believe me challenge us to a dance contest...Yeah, I didn't think you wanted that problem, we've all seen "You Got Served".  When we are tardy it is not a conscious thing, we really cannot help it.

Secondly, you think to yourself "okay, since *insert name of Black friend here* cannot be on time I will always tell them to be wherever it is they need to be at least 15 earlier than the real time". This at first seems brilliant, however do not let us get ahold of this information at all. It will work the first time, maybe even twice but we all know the saying, "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I'm going to be a half hour late next time because you think you can play me sucka".  I think it goes something like that.  So what do you do? You accept it.

So how do we explain this phenomenon? It goes back to slavery.  Back when the ancestors of Caucasian Americans were punishing my ancestors for taking breaks or not doing enough in the fields we developed an aversion for time.  We learned to work so diligently and steady that time was not a factor.  We didn't have watches or clocks. All we had was the sun and the moon.  So while your ancestors were indoors, enjoying the manual air conditioner (house slave fanning them), and looking at their pocket watch and thinking it was about time for dinner or lunch or whatever the event be. My ancestors were working away, and the same goes for us today. When we are late to your party, dinner, or whatever, it is because we were at home working diligently. Working diligently making sure these Jordans match perfectly with my shirt and hat (they always do); or working diligently smacking some person on Xbox in Madden; or quite honestly working diligently not giving a damn about being on time to your event.

In closing, DONT YOU EVER, EVER, EVER REFER TO YOUR BLACK FRIEND BEING LATE BECAUSE THEY ARE ON COLORED PEOPLE TIME. You will most likely get publicly disrespected and probably lose your Black friend.  Never refer to a Black person as colored...you will always lose.  Anyway, the next time I am late to your event, understand. Understand that it is in my DNA, and nothing can change whats in our DNA.  ;)

Ladies and Gentlemen...Cory Ford!!!!

                                     

This fake smiling black person above is Cory Ford.  Dont bother googling him because all you will find is a picture of him and Jerry Sandusky doing The Waterboy hand slap (true story).  I've known Cory for a long time, and he has always been one of the funniest people I know, however this blog post has nothing to do with him being funny or witty or even having the worst rapist stache this side of The Mississippi (also true).  This blog post is a pay it forward story, it is funny in the sense that it relates back to one of my previous blogs about Homeless Entrepreneurs (check that out by the way).  I copied this story from his facebook profile. Check it out and spread the word of this, its pretty amazing. 

"For the first time ever walking in the city, a homeless man asked not for money but straight up asked me to buy him some food. So I said "Hell Yeah man!!! What do you want?" I think he was shocked I said yes. We walked into McDonalds and he tried to order a Big Mac but it was still breakfast. I think he was kinda disappointed. It was kinda like the scene on Big daddy but reversed. He ended up ordering a Big Breakfast and then ordered a Egg McMuffin for his "wife". I'm pretty sure there wasn't a wife. But all in all I think he was happy and I feel pretty damn good about it too, even if he did eat his "wifes" food too."

This little act may have changed this homeless mans whole day, week, or even month.  Maybe now the homeless guy will  stop drinking so much and harassing random strangers for change.  Probably not, but  its a thought.  Anyhow, take notice and pay it forward. 

Lastly, I figured the best way to reward Cory for this random act of kindness is to make him a celebrity of sorts.  Spread the story, if you see him on the streets yell loudly that Raphael was the worst Ninja Turtle and give him a high five; he'll love this...trust me.

Crossroads GPS: "Basketball"

I had to share this because I laugh hysterically everytime I see it.  I hope you all giggle the same way. Go Mitt Romney hahahahaha

The Trash Your Kids Are Watching

                          
I look at cartoons today and I feel so ashamed to say that I ever use to watch an extreme amount of them.  On occasion i'll sit down with my niece and try to comprehend the incredibly incoherent, extremely dumb cartoons she watches. It is so hard to understand that I don't even know where to start.

I guess I'll start with Spongebob. Ok, so there is a sea sponge, a starfish, and a squid that are all friends...well the sea sponge and the squid work at an underwater restaurant called the KRUSTY KRAB.  Forgive me if i break out in a curse filled rage because this is where shit gets really stupid. The owner is a crab named Mr. Krabs, (please don't attempt to hold in your laughter at the obvious innuendo).  At the Krusty Krab their main sandwich is the Krabby Patty (which we can assume contains crab, which we can also assume is the reason you never see anymore crabs in Bikini Bottom (the name of the city this all takes place in)).  Now, to add to that, Mr. Krabs has a daughter...wait for it...WHO IS A GOTDAMN SHARK!!! No wonder kids cant figure out that 2+2 equals because they think that a crab has sex with another crab and by some miracle a damn shark is produced.  This is irresponsible programming.

Then there is this Columbian prostitute who goes by the name Dora The Explorer.  She hangs out with a purple monkey and a talking backpack.  This program is supposed to be educational but it is the exact opposite.  The damn Columbian prostitute will ask obvious questions of your kids and wait for them to answer for like a really long time.  There will obviously be a golden key on the right side of the screen as big as day and she will say "Can you find the key?"*insert really long awkward pause* Your kid doesn't answer or move and then Dora says "Look, there it is. You found it".  This is why your son or daughter will never answer any question you ask them because they assume you will just answer the question and reward them with smiles and applause.  Now your kid thinks they are some sort of Jedi that can answer questions without moving or saying anything (which is possible by the way but in very few situations i.e When a bum asks you for change and you just look at him without saying anything or moving).  People, don't let your kids or your nieces and nephews watch this trash. It will melt their brain and they will start to think in Nickelodeon terms. 

What Does It Mean To Be Black?

                                      

For as long as I can remember I've been a black person, and I don't expect it to change anytime before I die.  When some people hear the term black guy they think of a rapper; when others hear the the term they think of maybe their black friend/s. Very rarely is the black guy thought of a business man, or a family man ( or at least to my understanding it very rarely is).  They funny thing is any black guy can be any of the aforementioned people. 
Throughout my adolescence I have been many different black guys. I was the very hip hop, du rag and white tee wearing guy; I was the token black guy hanging out with the white guys just trying to blend in, and now, no longer an adolescent, I am the black businessman.  However, throughout my adolescence, and up to today my Blackness is constantly being defined by those around me.
For those of you who don't know me, I play football and have for most of my life.  Well, as with any sport, the longer you play the more characters you encounter from different places and different backgrounds.  Rich guys, poor guys, crazy guys, loud flamboyant guys etc.  After a while, the black guys you encounter tend to be from very similar backgrounds and are basically similar people (lower middle class, flamboyant, weed smoking, Jordan wearing, slang talking guys).  With that being said, the longer you play the more you are expected to fit into this class of Blackness. You aren't just expected to fit into this class by the other races and cultures you encounter but also by the other black people you encounter and this is where it gets awkward for me.
Since college I have been ridiculed for not fitting the Blackness mold that my black teammates have set for me. I don't smoke weed, I speak proper english, and I don't use slang most of the time.  I have been told by my black teammates that I'm not really black or that I'm the whitest black guy ever.  Both of these statements to me are comical.
There is no such thing as Blackness, there is no such thing as sounding white. The way you sound, the way you dress, the intelligence with which you speak only reflects your upbringing.  There is only urban and suburban, educated and uneducated, southern drawl or none, well spoken or not.  Is it shameful that black people expect other black people to act a certain way? Do white people expect other white people to behave a certain way? What about hispanics?
What people fail to realize is that while the color of your skin has a lot to do with who you are and what you become, it is not the end all be all in defining what you are or what you lifes outcome is.  I find it extremely ironic that civil rights was about looking past the a persons exterior to understand what makes the person who they are inside; and the people who are the beneficiaries of this movement still pre-judge by what they have determined is Blackness.  Laughable