What Does It Mean To Be Black?

                                      

For as long as I can remember I've been a black person, and I don't expect it to change anytime before I die.  When some people hear the term black guy they think of a rapper; when others hear the the term they think of maybe their black friend/s. Very rarely is the black guy thought of a business man, or a family man ( or at least to my understanding it very rarely is).  They funny thing is any black guy can be any of the aforementioned people. 
Throughout my adolescence I have been many different black guys. I was the very hip hop, du rag and white tee wearing guy; I was the token black guy hanging out with the white guys just trying to blend in, and now, no longer an adolescent, I am the black businessman.  However, throughout my adolescence, and up to today my Blackness is constantly being defined by those around me.
For those of you who don't know me, I play football and have for most of my life.  Well, as with any sport, the longer you play the more characters you encounter from different places and different backgrounds.  Rich guys, poor guys, crazy guys, loud flamboyant guys etc.  After a while, the black guys you encounter tend to be from very similar backgrounds and are basically similar people (lower middle class, flamboyant, weed smoking, Jordan wearing, slang talking guys).  With that being said, the longer you play the more you are expected to fit into this class of Blackness. You aren't just expected to fit into this class by the other races and cultures you encounter but also by the other black people you encounter and this is where it gets awkward for me.
Since college I have been ridiculed for not fitting the Blackness mold that my black teammates have set for me. I don't smoke weed, I speak proper english, and I don't use slang most of the time.  I have been told by my black teammates that I'm not really black or that I'm the whitest black guy ever.  Both of these statements to me are comical.
There is no such thing as Blackness, there is no such thing as sounding white. The way you sound, the way you dress, the intelligence with which you speak only reflects your upbringing.  There is only urban and suburban, educated and uneducated, southern drawl or none, well spoken or not.  Is it shameful that black people expect other black people to act a certain way? Do white people expect other white people to behave a certain way? What about hispanics?
What people fail to realize is that while the color of your skin has a lot to do with who you are and what you become, it is not the end all be all in defining what you are or what you lifes outcome is.  I find it extremely ironic that civil rights was about looking past the a persons exterior to understand what makes the person who they are inside; and the people who are the beneficiaries of this movement still pre-judge by what they have determined is Blackness.  Laughable

Would You Have Shot Trayvon???

                           
If you were walking around your quiet suburban neighborhood and you saw someone walking up the street who was obviously not white, and wearing a hoody with the hood up, how would you react? No seriously, how would you react?  Most of us would use the "I'm not racist or prejudice" defense immediately but be honest. A minority walking around in clothes like that is much more intimidating than a white person wearing the exact same thing. 
That is because you have been conditioned to believe that black people (in this case) who dress like that have a higher propensity to be dangerous or violent.  Watch cops, watch gangster movies, watch tv, even BET shows black people in that same light.  Its not your fault necessarily, unless you consciously believe so.  But in most of us it is such a conditioned response, it is all that we know.  When you see a lone white male in a park late at night and he looks suspicious you think to yourself "serial killer, or rapist" but a minority/black male and you think "gangster, drug dealer"  and you are unable to contain your fear.  You think that he will steal your purse, mug you and beat you half to death. When in reality I am just walking home. 
Now think of the case of George Zimmerman, a man who himself is half minority, whose neighborhood has been victim of break ins by what happened to be reported as black males.  So he naturally thinks that this young black male is one of those criminals.  Couple this situation with the built up racism and hatred that Zimmerman had come to have from ,at the least the recent break ins, and who knows what else happened in his life.  Would you have felt threatened? Would you have pulled a gun out and pulled the trigger?

I want to make it clear that I am in no way taking up for George Zimmerman, or in anyway defending his actions. I just want to put you in his mind. We often look at these things from the outside and say to ourselves "how could someone do that" and we feel so holy about ourselves.  When in reality, we also may have felt threatened.  Threatened enough to ask him what he was doing?, probably not. And definitely not threatened  enough to pull the trigger on an unarmed teenager.  Just realize the stigma that society and you place on certain groups and people and how these stigma play a role in how people make decisions.  Whether these stigma are correct or not. 

And They Say Curiousity Killed The Cat

                              

The differences between white people and black people are numerous.  Black people can dance, white people usually jump around like crazy people and call it slam dancing.  Black people are really athletic, our white counter parts...not so much.  However, the biggest difference of all; the thing that separates us is the blatant "curiousity" of my caucasian friends.  If you don't believe me I intend to prove to you this theory as 100 percent fact.

Exhibit A: The picture above is two white guys, european albeit, hanging out with white tigers like they are plush beanie babies.  Are you kidding me? Have you ever seen any black person this close to any wild animal? Try me, google black guys and tigers and the only thing you will get is pictures of that playboy Tiger Woods. Yeah, black tiger alright.  Me and mine, wont even get this close to our family dog.  She has teeth, and she has fur...thats a dangerous creature and we keep our distance. 

Exhibit B:  Christopher Columbus.  Need I say more?  Follow my reasoning. Christopher Columbus, a white guy, was so adventurous that he was willing to sail to what was believed to be the edge of the earth.  Not for money, not for fame, but because he was curious to see if the world really was flat.  Not I, said the black person.  The western coast of Africa is riddled with tribes and I'm sure they had the ability to build ships and boats and explore. The issue is we didn't give a damn what was outside of Africa.  We were content enough trying to understand our own world. Not curious enough to go out and try and conquer others. 

Exhibit C: How many black people have you heard of dying because they were cliff diving, skydiving, bungee jumping etc? Too many to damn count, every time you turn to spike tv and watch "The Most Outrageous Videos" there is always some white guys who got slammed into the side of a cliff because his parachute got tangled.  Or some white dude had a warehouse full of fireworks and was smoking meth out there and they all caught fire.  What about us, the black people? While I am not proud to say it the only time you see us on the "The Most Outrageous" is because we tried to rob a liquor store with a nerf gun and got smacked to death by the little asian guy behind the counter. 

Final Exhibit: The Crocodile Hunter.  If you didn't see this one coming then you don't have good foresight.  This crazy caucasian became famous for wrestling crocs and gators (too lazy to spell them both out and too lazy to spell check them).  You would never catch a black person doing this, hell you couldn't even underpay a mexican to do this; and mexicans are the Mikeys of the working world (see old life cereal commercials).  Now can you tell me what the hell THE CROCODILE HUNTER was doing in the ocean with STING RAYS? Those are two birds of different flocks, one may even be a flightless bird and the other in the Artic.  You would never catch Ray Ray the stereo salesman branching out and trying to sell weed on the side.  So why the hell was Steve Irwin in the ocean looking at sting rays. 

Our differences are what us unique, and my white friends are all unique in their own way.  I have had friends of all races, colors, creeds and ethnicities but my white friends are always up for the adventure.  They are willing to drink more alcohol than should be humanly possible, drink alcohol and operate watercraft, do drugs that I have never even heard of, and most notably jump into the ocean with a damn sting ray. And they say curiousity killed the cat...if the cat is a white male then that statement is true.

Tim Wise - The Pathology of White Privilege

Before you watch this video beware that everything you hear you will not like however it is very thought provoking. This video is a solid hour long but it is very well put and will provide a discussion for you and your friends long after you finish watching. Happy Black History Month

Hot New Rap!!!

My brother is the rap eficionado (spell check) and put me on this new rapper out of The Bay. Check It out

President Obama is Coming...Be Very Afraid

                                      
Hey you racist bastards, it seems like President Obamas plan is working.  The economy is turning around, I mean really though always leave it to the black guy to clean the mess up nicely.  According to CNN, the jobless rate has dropped to 8.3 percent. The lowest it has been since he took office. There is an old negro saying that goes "whatever a rich, stupid, spoiled white person leaves in disarray; a handsome, well endowed, basketball playing negro will vastly improve".  Ok, so thats not a real saying but it sure is true. I bet after reading that last part Laura Bush wishes George would have left her in the dust too so she could get a piece of that young stud Obama. 

In all seriousness though, there are only a two reasons why you can dislike our president.  Either you are misinformed or you are racist. Thats it. There is no other reason to dislike him. Every other black person is beloved for the reasons that he is hated.  He's black, good at sports, can dance and sing, and he's inspiring (pretty much Ray Lewis in The White House). Last time I checked people love Chris Brown and I just described him (minus the hitting Rihanna thing).  Continue to spew birth certificate rhetoric and say "he's a socialist", it really just makes you look stupid to your educated friends.  They only reason your Pro intelligence friends continue to keep you around is because they need someone to lick the battery to see if it still works....YOU STUPID RACIST BASTARD!

Here is the CNN article talking about the unemployment rate beginning to plummet.
http://money.cnn.com/2012/02/03/news/economy/jobs_report_unemployment/index.htm?hpt=hp_t1

Are Those Jeans You're Wearing?

                                         
The older I get the less I can take of the blatant disrespect of mine and your occular cavities.  For the dumb  ones among us, occular cavities are where your eyes are.  I have had it up to here with it (hand above my head and i'm 6 feet tall).  Fat people have always been wearing pants that were too tight but it is beyond the fat demographic now.  It has infected us all.  Dontknowhowtowearmypants syndrome is soon to be the leading cause of stabbings in whatever neighborhood I'm in.  These are the people who will most likely be stabbed to death if caught violating in my presence.

Fat Kid, Skinny Jeans: Let me say this first. I have a problem with all males wearing skinny jeans.  The fad was started by emo kids who figured they didn't want their testicles so they would buys girls jeans in an attempt to push them back up into their body.  However, the fat kid in the skinny jeans is a violation of the most extreme offense.  You know your jeans don't fit fat teenager, you look in a mirror everyday to make sure your hair has the right amount of Axe brand putty in it. You sit in front of that same mirror for at least 20 mins before you go to school, why has it not crossed your mind to take those damn pants off and put on some that don't have a baby mooseknuckle in the front.  Get it together. At least do us all a favor and don't eat today so maybe your jeans will fit by the end of the week. 

Skinny Jeans, Big Shoes:I know this is the hipster thing to do. I have a few big pairs of shoes myself but the problem I have isn't with Nike its with the bastard who decided it was ok to have such an awkward contrast.  If your jeans are barely touching your ankles and are as tight as the underwear that you used to wear...then they are TOO DAMN TIGHT.  Anytime you are wearing jeans they are meant to at least have a conversation with your shoes, this way they can complement eachother all day as you take each step. "Damn Nikes, you guys look good today". "Thanks Levis, I like the fitted and faded look you guys have going on".  It should go something like that, not like this..."HEY, HEY YOU. CAN YOU HEAR ME? No answer because your clothes don't fit correctly you idiot.

Skinny Jeans, BACK FAT: This is fairly self explanatory but what fun would it be if I left it at that.  You know when you are walking behind someone and their pants are too tight at the waist, or at least where they wished their waist was and those things that most people call love handles continue to protrude from your jeans.  Those are not love handles, those are waves of hatred. Every time you move it sends a wave through you fat back and a baby dies because of the resulting shockwave.  Get it together. Lose the weight or the jeans but you cant have it both ways. Many infants will later thank you. 

Sagging Skinny Jeans: When I lived in Cali, the Filipinos would get Khakis and cut the bottom of the legs of so they could sag them. They would end up looking like capris or massive shorts but at least they were baggy. The new thing is to get skinny jeans that are way to short and sag the hell out of them. I think this is so the crouch of the pants don't ride up and chaff the choad/gooch/taint/glory road/mudflap or any other name you may call it.  But wouldn't a more simple solution be to GET PANTS THAT FIT.  Instead we are stuck with having to look at your spongebob drawers and your booty is incredibly hungry.  There are 8 year olds in Africa who those pants would fit just fine. Why are you still wearing them?

Skinny jeans are only ok on women. Why do guys want to wear these? I have been a male for 24 years, I have had testicles for all 24 years. Testicles don't like tight confined spaces; trust me. Everytime I wear spandex to workout in or to play football in they can't wait to be let out.  One time I waited too long to let the old boys out and they smacked me when I finally did.  I still hear about it everyday, they are like an elephant because they never forget.  Guys wearing the skinny jeans, trust me, let your testicles breathe your fully functioning children will thank you.  Continue to wear skinny jeans and your children will come out looking like Zach Galifianakis.